Grey Matter
by CrimsonAnjel
Summary: Friendships can be difficult... one bad incident and it's shot to hell. [Taito][Chapter 3 posted!]
1. Bad Moods And Party Blues

** Revised! **

**A/N: **Let's face it, Digimon is a dying fandom. This is one of my last attempts to scrounge up interest. If you're going to read, at least review and say something. Come on people, it's only two clicks of a mouse button (or touch-pad, depending). But yes, this is a true blue Taito, written in attempt to overshadow the overwhelming number of TERRIBLE Taitos on this site. Yeah, I said it. Enjoy my lovelies!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Digimon. I also don't claim rights to any music I reference.

**Warnings: **Eventual slash, meaning shounen-ai, meaning yaoi, meaning male/male love, meaning GET OUT if you don't like it or don't condone it. As far as I'm concerned, if you're reading this you have some interest in yaoi, so no bitching. This chapter only has profanity in it… nothing dirty… yet.

**Grey Matter**

**Chapter 1: Bad Moods and Party Blues**

**By: CrimsonAnjel **

I grabbed Matt's wrist as he turned, seeing for the millionth time in my life that angry look upon his porcelain features. His ignorance was only fueling my bad mood and I was going to let him know it. I could feel myself getting irritable and uncomfortably mad. Matt thinks too much for a boy and never just… feels, instead. It's annoying, especially when I'm trying to get his attention in a crowd of people and all he wants to do is get lost in thought.

Even in grade school he would never feel through a situation without thinking logically first. For example, he would never _ever_ jump into a swimming pool without testing the water first with a dainty, outstretched toe regardless of what I told him. Or when my mom baked us cookies, he always had to nibble it first and make sure it wasn't going to poison him to death. And my mom's cookies weren't even that bad! (No pun intended). But that's him—that's Yama; that's just his personality. So, every once in awhile, I have to nudge him in the right direction or at the very least shove a new experience down his throat so he gets the picture and starts living life on the edge, if only a little.

I was at the end of my rope after one hell of a day and his airy, disconnected personality was pissing me off as it always did. My ridiculously large well of patience was running dry and the little bastard was about to hear the worst of it. With a vice-like grip and a tug I wrenched his wrist around, bringing the rest of his body with it.

"The fuck are you doing, Taichi?" he screamed with a leveling glare.

"Didn't you fucking hear me talk to you just now?"

"No shit I heard you! Who couldn't hear _you _talk, Taichi?" he spat vehemently. "What, it's not like you're the only person who's had a bad day. Now _let me go_," he hissed.

"Look, I was just trying to ask you a simple question, drama queen! You just had to go and make it all about you--"

"Drama queen?" he cut in ferociously. "Oh come on and drop the nicknames and call me a fag already! Join the crowd, call me fag and then ignore me, go for it!" His blue eyes glazed over with fleeting anger and then dulled again. I shook my head in disbelief. What the hell made him say a thing like that?

"What was that! I'm trying to yell at you for being airy and you bring up _that? _We always call each other names Yama, 's not like it means anything!" He still looked cross, so I added, "I would never call you that!" emphatically. Maybe his day had been worse than mine? I wasn't getting him at all today and it was eating at me. "No seriously, why did you just say that? Tell me."

He looked at me for a long moment and then took a step backwards. "Whatever." He wrenched his wrist away from me and quickly ducked into the frenzy of after school kids. Without a chance to blink I followed him and caught up shortly as he rounded a corner bordering the stairwell.

"Matt! Yama!" I yelled as I reached his side apologetically. He tried to ignore me so I pulled him around for the second time today. "What's the deal, bro?" He laughed dryly and licked his lips, turning away from me.

"Look, duh, I had a bad day. Big fucking whoop. Now do me a favor and—I dunno, find Sora or something. I kind of have to get TK and go home, alright?" I nodded solemnly and followed him down the steps as he continued walking, trying all the while to keep the conversation alive.

"But wait, it's Thursday!" I added, finally coming up with at least a minor excuse to keep him company. "Don't we always hang out on Thursdays?"

"Homework," was the laconic reply.

"Uh huh. You always get your homework done in class, Yama, you're a fucking genius remember?" The slight ego-stroke did nothing and he continued to step, taking a long while to answer.

"Project," was the second laconic reply as he whisked down the last set of stairs. Shaking my head moodily I threw a feeble goodbye at him with a slight shove, letting him go ahead. I stayed at the entrance and watched him make his way to the buses. It was raining outside and he still walked at a normal pace... TK was nowhere in sight.

--

"TAICHI YAGAMI YOU IDIOT! It's burning and smoking everywhere!"

"I know, Kari! Fuck!" The bread my sister and I were supposed to bake for the Bike Trip goodies sale didn't seem very happy to be baking in the Yagami kitchen. In other words, I am the worst cook alive. Kari wasn't being much of a help either, as she didn't exactly fit the housewife mold.

In a panic I slapped on a pair of embarrassing, flower covered oven mitts and grabbed the bread from the blackened oven, all the while trying not to choke on the black smoke hitting me in the face.

"You said it would take an hour to cook!" Kari yelled. "You said "Oh Kari, we can go watch TV!" You said "Don't worry, it'll all be totally fine!" and even added one of your stupid little grins at the end!" She went on after that and even added a few smacks to my head for good measure. Unfortunately, one of the smacks knocked the tray up, causing it to burn my forearm painfully.

"KARI! FUCK!" The tray and all of its charcoal brown contents dropped to the floor and clattered around with pieces of hard bread ricocheting off the wood and tile alike. She looked wide-eyed and guilty and readily preoccupied herself with grabbing the cooking directions from the counter. As I bolted to the kitchen sink and ran cold water over the wound she began to read them out loud in hopes of distracting me.

"Cook for one hour. Hey, you got that one right, genius." I smiled darkly at her from my hunched over position at the sink. "Though," she added, "there's only one little tiny insy wincy problem." She shoved the box in front of my eyes menacingly. "Yeah, notice how it says "1 hour for two loafs"? Good going bro!" I looked at the box, then at the mess and then back to Kari; then back at the box and mess and finally at the running water. I couldn't help myself and I burst out laughing, promptly slipped on a greasy piece of bread by my foot. This caused me to fall back onto the still-hot tray, burning my back—which in some sick way only fueled my insane laughter. Soon Kari joined in, clutching her sides and holding on to the counter tightly, whispering random insults at me in between breaths and chocking violently on the smoke pervading the air.

After a few minutes of happy laughter she smiled at me and started picking the crumbling pieces off floor. "You know… Mom's totally going to kill us for this." She reached over and turned off the oven.

"Well, duh. I'm hopeful though… We might get 100 years with parole if we're lucky, right?" She nodded cheerfully just as the phone rang from the table to my right. I pulled myself from the floor with a labored grunt and grabbed the receiver.

"Y'ello?"

"Hi."

"Hiya." I knew who was on the other line immediately. As I expected, the line remained dead for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and started the conversation.

"Um, sorry about yelling at you today and all. I was… mad."

"Don't sweat it. Anything else?" I had already let it go. No big deal. He knew it too as he drew in a short breath.

"Rude much?"

"Always. So… tell me the answers to the math homework and we'll call it even?" He laughed at that.

"You wish, dumbass. Nah… I actually have one thing to ask you—scary, right?" I replied in the affirmative. He continued, "Are you going to Sora's party on Friday?"

"Yeah, 'course I am. Me plus people plus substances equals fun. It's my favorite equation!"

"Ok…" He obviously wanted me to add more but after a few moments he instead asked a question. "…Does she even like me? I mean, I'd go or whatever if you were there but I'm not really in with her crowd or whatever."

"Yeah, I get that. So, you wanna ask her out or something?" Kari laughed at that from the floor. She either found what I said humorous or was just thinking of new ways to call me stupid without actually opening her mouth. "Got something to say?" I asked her rhetorically. She nodded.

"Stop teasing that poor boy and tell him he should go, asshole!" I shook my head for the thousandth time that day before putting the receiver back to my ear.

"Kari says you should go. Don't worry about who's gonna be there. I'm there; you know me; it's all good."

"Right…" We exchanged a few more formalities before hanging up. I put the cordless on the hook and turned to face a frowning Kari, who's mood had obviously gotten more serious.

"Tai…" She looked apprehensively at me. "Don't let him get hurt. He's your friend."

"Duh, Kari." I walked out of the kitchen promptly, hearing something like "boys…" in the background as I found the TV and flipped it on lazily. "Girls…"

--

I had nothing to look forward to for weeks after the phone conversation. Classes were dull and Matt was unusually quiet and unresponsive. Probably another one of his dry spells of emotion; they usually started popping up around fall. Luckily, Sora's party got closer and closer with each day, which helped me through the school formalities and the fact that my best friend was becoming like a wall to talk to. If any, this party would be a chance to talk to my other friends who'd reply with more than one word.

--

I pulled my hoodie tighter around my shivering body and zipped away the cologne I wore underneath. I was shivering anyways, partially from the cold and partially from excitement. The party was going to be amazing, despite something seeming off. I couldn't put my finger on it but I still felt weird about taking Matt. Either that or his mood was starting to get to me.

Regardless of the feeling I walked with a happy step down 2nd street, Matt following in tow (literally, the slow bastard) at a sort of fumbling pace. The slow walk was causing me to miss valuable party time so Matt could fix his hair every few seconds. He disguised it well under the guise of scratching his head, but his fussing and fixing and complaining was already grating on my nerves. I wanted to scream, "It's October! Of course your hair is going to be messed up!" but then we'd just argue and get in a bad mood and have a bad night and blah blah blah. So I kept my mouth shut and it proved to work, as Sora's house appeared only three houses up the street.

It looked like your average house, with a large porch and a few flowers scattered in the lamely kept garden. It was nothing special expect for the fact that at least 100 people were crammed together in the space along with a party buzz—and decorative porch lights—making them glow happily.

I pulled him past the first wave of people enjoying a smoke out in the cold and in through the front door. "Tai! You made it, I'm so glad!" Immediately, the shrill voice of Sora hit my ears as she greeted me at the door with a running hug. As she straddled my wasted, obviously tipsy, I thought of Matt and made it a short hug. She looked over hazily and noticed Matt. "Hey Matt! Glad you could make it!" She added one of her cheesy smiles to the greeting and turned back to me with an even bigger beam.

"Hey Sora," I began easily. "What's up?" Her grin lit up enough to energize a small country and she squeezed me again.

"Oh, not much. Ready to have a good time… And you?"

"Hell yeah! I've been so bored!" I heard a small scoff from behind me. Shit, now the drama queen thought I meant _he _is boring. If things continued this way Matt could be out the door before I even make it five feet.

I turned to him. "Come on man, let's have some fun tonight, ok?" He smiled sarcastically and made an impression of Sora.

"Like oh my god! Sure!" I frowned and he grinned. "You don't have to baby me, Tai. It's not like I've never been drunk before or anything." Sora beamed at Matt almost genuinely.

"That's the spirit! Have fun boys!" With another smile she skipped off to greet another guy who had just stepped in. Talk about your obvious cocktease…

I exchanged a few hellos with some kids I knew before stepping fully into the house. I couldn't help but feel worried about Matt still, and he was already walking towards the alcohol. If the wrong people like a few of Sora's more colorful friends (or their friends, or friends of theirs and so on) knew Matt was here… things could go very wrong. It wasn't confirmed publicly, but Matt was already getting shit just for being an alleged gay. Two ingredients to never mix are drunken bigots and people to pick on. I'm going to keep a close eye on him.

--

It's 11 o' clock and I haven't had much to drink. I've never been into hard liquor and on top of that Matt was worrying me too much to get fully drunk. If I'm going to keep an eye on him I can't drink… duh. I talked lightly with one of my other girl friends, Mimi, keeping Matt on my radar. But as Mimi began rattling off her favorite new fall fashion styles my eye lost Matt in the crowd of people. He was just standing next to the snacks table—avoiding me probably—only a split second ago and even in my slightly numbed state my instincts told me something was up. With an short excuse thrown over my shoulder I deserted Mimi and shoved through the crowd in hasty search of Matt.

Suck My Kiss was blaring from speakers situated right alongside the snack table, taking over any other noise close to me. There was a bathroom in the corner right next to the alcohol and the door was closed with a light showing from the crack underneath. I ran up to it in a short panic and slammed violently, screaming "Who's in there?" a few times. I had no idea why I was screaming at a total stranger but something told me to panic… something wasn't right, I could feel it. But I couldn't hear anything on the other side of the door because of the music. Anthony Kiedis was blocking out any type of response so I began pounding harder; the alcohol started to pump in me faster along with a worried adrenaline rush. Luckily it didn't take much time for the song to draw to a close. With a final "that mouth was made to suck my kiss!" it cut out, leaving a split second of silence for the CD to skip to the next song and for me to listen hard for a reply.

"—Tai!" I heard someone scream from inside the door before the CD cut to the next track. I panicked--it has to be Matt! The next song started loudly--Metal music was NOT what I wanted to hear at the moment, for fucks sake.

Not caring at all about Sora's door I took a few steps back, tumbling hazily into few raving kids. With the power cords and bullet-like drums of Trivium dancing in my chest I ran full speed at the door. With one powerful kick it smashed open, revealing my worst nightmare in one disturbing moment. As soon as my eyes caught hold of the scene I lurched and promptly hacked up beer into my throat.

--

I usually write original fiction nowadays. If you want me to continue this then please review. "Suck My Kiss" is by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, my all-time favorite band. Trivium is a great metal band. If you want to hear the song of there's I used for this chapter download, Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr. Thanks.

-CA


	2. Just a Walk to Clear My Head

**A/N:** Let's get right to the story! Author's notes are so dry and dull.

Many thanks to my friend and Beta, **Neo-chan**. You're the awesomist! And also one of the only people who can be described using a word that doesn't exist, lol. Also thanks to **Tysonfoxflame**! I love you two huggles girlfriends /end sappy girlishness 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon…

**Warnings:** Same as last chapter.

**Grey Matter**

**Chapter 2: Just a Walk to Clear My Mind**

**By: CrimsonAnjel**

My head was spinning, vision blurred, as I looked up again. Before the walls, ceiling, shapes or sizes could even come into focus I saw his face first.

He looked terrified.

Then, as the rest of the room came back into focus, I saw too many things I wasn't ready to see. Matt was bent over the toilet seat with his pants and boxers to the floor; his eyeliner was bleeding a line of black down his face. Surrounding him were three Seniors, one of which I knew and hated, holding him against the toilet with his arms locked behind his back. If I couldn't tell by Matt's position, then the fact that one of the boy's pants was halfway down completely brought home what was happening.

As soon as it clicked in my brain, I couldn't stop. "You fuckers!"

I bolted upright and in a sudden rage clocked the first boy in the cheek as hard as I could. He fell into his friend, crying out in pain and third boy, unaffected, aimed a kick that painfully connected with my side.

"Tai!" As I fell Matt had the brains to lurch forward and catch my back with his own, shoving me back up. I fell right into the first boy who promptly landed a knee into my stomach, cursing, only inches away from my first injury. I didn't remember yelling so loud, but only seconds later I heard the blaring metal music stop. I paid no attention to it. I had to protect Matt. Those bastards were in for it.

Ignoring the pain I angrily threw another punch which effectively hit the first boy in the same spot on his bruised cheek. He tripped on someone's leg and fell to the floor, almost tripping the other two boys huddled in the corner of the bathroom with him. The third boy came at me again with his huge fist but instead of connecting with my face it hit--Matt. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Matt jump up and take the punch; I'd have to kill him later for doing that but I took advantage of the opportunity it gave me and threw my weight into the asshole, crashing him against the toilet seat painfully. He still had a chance to left hook me in the jaw before falling into the growing heap on the floor underneath the other two. He hadn't had time yet to pull up his pants.

I was about to jump on them again, but instead I felt a pair of arms lock around mine and pull me back. People were yelling, Matt was catatonic and leaning for balance against the sink, Sora was suddenly there. Was the fight over?

"TAI! Tai what the fuck is going--oh dear god, Matt!" She glanced at the three boys slowly getting up from the floor. "Fuck. What happened!" I made to attack them again but the arms had me in a half-nelson that I wasn't about to break free from. So I did the logical thing and tried to kick the bastards, only to have the pair of arms tear me back a few feet again. My eye caught the mirror as I was being pulled away and I noticed who exactly was holding me.

"Dais! Le' go of me! Geroff!" I slurred, still in a mad rage. "Those FUCKING ASSHOLES tried to rape my friend now get the hell off me before I kick your ass too!"

A few other people were poking their heads in to see why the music stopped and luckily the only other people in the bathroom now were my friends. Daisuke, Sora, TK and Mimi were all standing at the entrance looking almost as angry as I was.

Matt looked at them and bolted. His pants were up and suddenly he was gone. And surprisingly, everyone let him leave. I was furious.

I shook violently and eventually broke free from Daisuke's grip, leaving them to kill the three jocks as I tore after Matt. The alcohol was now beating painfully into my skull and I was the center of attention in the house as I sprinted around plastic cups and chips and arms and hands of party-goers. I had to find him now. I ran and ran, yelling his name frantically as a million eyes bore into my already pounding head.

Lots of outstretched hands tried to stop me but I broke free, uncaring of who they were, running around the house at top speed. He wasn't in any of the rooms and I was starting to feel stupid for thinking he'd still be around after a thing like that. I shook my head habitually to clear some of the haziness as I grabbed my coat and busted through the front door. I passed by the porch-goers and the lawn drunks and tore down the street in the direction of his house.

After pounding on his door at whatever hour it was, his mom groggily swung it open and yelled a few words at me; I really didn't care.

"Where's Matt?" I cut in rudely.

"Matt? Huh?" She then realized what I had asked. "Where IS Matt, Tai! And why are you pounding on my door like a madma--"

"Look, I don't know," I cut in once more. "But is he seriously not home?" She looked at me slowly as if to say "I thought he was with you?"

"Taichi Yagami are you telling me that at 1:00 AM you do NOT know where my son is!"

"I… yes. But I'm going to find him now…" I trailed off awkwardly as her angry, icy blue eyes bore into my skull, adding to the already mounting headache.

Before she could yell the words forming in her mouth I turned and ran for the second time that night. I didn't have time for pointless conversations and this one was going to butt-fucking Egypt. If she called the cops, fine. Matt was still the first priority.

Unfortunately, now I had no clue where he was. So I did the only thing I could think of to do: I walked around aimlessly. Every few minutes I yelled out his name, soon half-heartedly. I didn't expect any response but it was better than just walking.

After about thirty minutes of walking, a million outcomes started getting caught in my head. What if more drunken jocks already found him? What if he's in trouble or crying or… cold? Every little thing that could happen was playing out on my mind, scaring the shit out of me as I kept trudging on. It seemed like every time I called out his name my voice was a little softer. But then I came to the 2nd street park and called his name again, albeit a little hopelessly. It was probably more out of frustration than actually hoping I'd find him on the swings or play set, but seconds afterwards I heard a soft reply from underneath the jungle gyms.

"…what."

"Matt!" I yelled again, caught totally off-guard.

"Yes, and I said 'what'. You've now mastered the English language. Congrats."

"Matt! You scared the shit out of me!" I yelled hoarsely as I shot to his resting place. He didn't seem amused and didn't respond at all. "I'm serious! Dude, I've been looking all over for you… Are you okay?" I asked, my tone shifting down to a whisper.

"No."

"And?"

"And get the fuck away?" I shot up an eyebrow.

"Look, I'm so sorry about what happened… I don't even comprehend it yet. Just don't do that--I hate it when you get like that. I mean… what do you want from me?"

"What do I want? Did you seriously just ask what I _want_? Ok, here's what I want Tai. How about a friend who _doesn't _throw me into _hell _just so he can rescue me like some big fucking knight? That's sounds pretty fucking good to me." I blinked. "What? You think you're some_ hero_ just because you saved me from getting _raped_ after YOU convinced me to go!" I looked at him in astonishment. He didn't continue.

"Look, I'm sorr--"

"Get. Lost."

I couldn't argue. I couldn't even say another word. So I left him, as simple as that. All the stupid worries and fears washed away and I realized:

'He knows his way home.'

--

Accompanying my mood the following morning was an overcast sky. I vaguely remembered it had started to rain as I fell asleep the night before and there was a lot of fog on the streets when I went to find Matt. I groaned; the shutters were left open because I forgot to shut them and the muted light hit my eyes as I rolled over.

"Damnit," I cursed loudly as I dropped out of bed (originally attempting to step out for once). Kari, not missing a beat, walked in and snorted unkindly when she saw me half on the ground with sheets tangled around my legs.

"So," tapped her fingers on the doorknob, "you're clumsy and lazy and probably hungry," she assessed with a smug expression. "Am I correct?"

"Yeah," I groused, "Except the first two." I threw a stray shirt at her, hopefully a dirty one. "Whaddya want?"

"Oh, uh, mom wants to ask you something. You know how it is." I rolled my eyes and asked the poster tacked onto my ceiling why me? One of the Beastie Boys smiled back down at me.

"God damnit…"

"Yeah, yeah. Just get dressed lazy boy." She threw the shirt back, landing it on my head. "I'm sure it's just a chore or something." I nodded from under the orange tee and kicked the door shut in her face. The alarm clock read 12:30 with a red smile before the shirt landed on it, blocking out the digits.

In the amount of time it took me to change my boxers and pull up my pants, I was already beginning to feel like shit. I didn't have to guess twice to know it had everything to do with last night, and the feeling grew steadily as I made it down the hallway to the living room. Instead of being in the kitchen--like the quintessential mother--my mom was usually perched at the couch reading or watching soaps. She was in her favorite spot when I entered the room.

"Yeah, mom?" I asked in passing towards the fridge. It was always a good idea to have an escape route planned just in case she asked her fatal first question.

"Tai honey, can you do me a favor?" But she liked to ask it anyway.

I paused with an audible sigh. "Maybe?"

"Don't say maybe. If you're going to do me a favor say yes or no."

"Can I say no then?"

"Of course not." 'Of course not,' I thought, repeating her sentence dryly. "I just want you to take out the trash and tidy up the kitchen before you go do whatever it is you do on Saturdays."

"You only ask me to do this shit because you're terrible at anything to do with a kitchen," I grumbled under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Bye, mom." She waved her hand absently with a middle finger to boot, having already turned back on her favorite soap.

I ate a little bit but I didn't even get through half a bowl of bowl of rice crispies before feeling like I wanted to snap crackle and pop them back up. The feeling just kept growing; it wasn't a stomach ache or a headache… I just felt like crap. I did the chores assigned to me as fast as possible, grabbed my hoodie, waved goodbye to Kari and slammed shut the back door. I needed to take a walk and clear my head a bit.

Matt and I fought a lot, but it was always over stupid things; the small battles never lasted and even if he was usually short-tempered, he was never that short; and almost always he'd get over it in a few minutes. The only time he ever held a grudge against me was in 6th grade when I punched out his friend for "no reason!" He figured out without me telling him a few weeks later that the kid was making fun of him as soon as he left every day.

I passed by a few houses and then the park; everything looked simple in the grey light so my eyes wandered to the ground and stayed there until the sidewalk ended. I found myself standing at an intersection about a mile away from my house. Shaking my head slightly, not realizing I'd made it this far, I trudged the rest of the way over to the city's favorite little corner store, Ralph's.

"Hey, Ralph," I greeted as I stepped in. He was an old, kindly little man who worked there every day of his life. He never forgot a name either.

"Hello there, Tai. You wanna try this new fudge I'm whippin' up?" I smiled and said yes, making small talk with him until the piece of fudge disappeared. Then, he said something that really caught my attention.

"So your friend Matt came in this morning. Poor kid looked half dead t'me."

"He did?"

"Yep. He didn't say much, but I'm guessin' something's up, huh?"

"…I guess so." I didn't really want to elaborate. The rest of that conversation was more personal, so I left it unsaid. He understood. "Well, I'll see you around, Ralph. Thanks for the fudge."

"No problem! Here, take some back to your mom. If I remember correctly rocky road is her favorite?"

"You always remember," I agreed, throwing a last goodbye over my shoulder. I wanted to get away from his all-knowing gaze as soon as I could because now the feeling was even worse, having heard that Matt looked like shit from an almost-stranger. With that information dancing in my head now, I couldn't ignore it anymore; I had to see him.

I ran to his house, which was a dumb idea since my mom could easily give me a ride, plus the fact that it was another mile away in 50 degree, windy weather. But my brain was on one track and my body didn't too many complaints about running—I was in shape after all.

No lights were on when I began knocking on the door and as expected no one answered immediately. His dad went to work really early and came home really late and TK was never home--Dais made sure of that. Luckily after waiting a few minutes I heard steps coming to the entrance-way.

"What?" Matt called from the other side of the door in his natural Matt-fashion.

"Can we talk? ...With the door open?" There was a pause.

"No." I fumed up quickly, annoyed that he'd just close up for almost no reason.

"What the fuck, Matt? You're fine! It's not like you got fucking raped or anything. You're just fine, now get out here and talk to me!"

The door flew open and crashed into the wall with a shudder. Standing before me was the scariest, angriest Matt I had ever seen.

"I'm fine?" he asked in a dangerously low tone. "No, Taichi, I am not fine. In fact, I'm far from fine; I'd even go as far as to say that I'm NOT okay at all. I don't even know what to say to you right now," he said sharply, never lowering or raising his tone.

"Just say that we can talk." He paused again, probably holding back the will to hit me. When he spoke again, his voice was darker than ever before.

"I want you to look at something and then I want you to leave." He walked right up to me and lifted his black shirt. As he did a field of bruises was slowly revealed, ranging from his hips and lower back all the way to his chest. There were too many of them to count.

"Goodbye." He stepped back and slammed the door as I stared on, catatonic. I heard him fall back against it on the other side, sliding to a sitting position on the ground only a few feet and some inches of wood away from me.

I couldn't believe it.

'I didn't save him at all… He got hurt because of me and I was stupid enough to yell at him for it. It really was all my fault…'

A soft yet still dangerous sentence made its way through the door again. "Why aren't you gone yet?"

I looked at the locked door, with its color dulled by the grey sky, and ran cold fingers through my hair. I couldn't move at all. So I sat there, creeping up against the other side of the door and just… shut up.

We sat like that for some time, hearing the occasional creak of the door as one or another moved or shifted position. I thought about his bruises, about how they must be hurting against the door. So I said the only word that could get his attention.

"Matt…"

No response.

"I didn't mean it, Matt," I tried again. "I wasn't thinking when I said that, or when I took you to that party. It's my fault… it really is."

"Yes." He stood up, "It is," and walked away.

--

Well, this chapter is unusually short. I liked where it ended though and I wanted to get it out as fast as possible because I only just realized a week ago how badly I've been neglecting my fanfics. I apologize if anyone was waiting impatiently. I completely understand your frustration towards authors who don't update.

I hope you review and I'll have the next chapter out really soon! Hopefully before Winter Break ends…

Love and hugs and such

-CA


	3. What I Cannot Control

**A/N: **Here's another chapter for you! This is about how long each new chapter will take to be written and posted for the time being, so get used to it. I will definitely finish this fic. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Digimon.

**Warnings: **Lots of profanity. I'm not going to even mention the word 'gay' because if you've read this far, you're obviously not offended by boyslove. There's a little kissing (between two boys! No way!) Geez… since when do I write hetero romance? (never)

**Grey Matter**

**Chapter 3: What I Cannot Control**

**By: CrimsonAnjel**

The wind began biting deeper into my face, meaning it was almost night time. After Matt walked inside I continued to sit--despite my better nature--wondering if he'd notice me still outside his house and invite me in. Of course, there was a fat chance of that happening, but it was a lame enough excuse to keep me glued to the ground.

Checking my watch wearily, I read 6:30 on the digital screen with a small sigh. Mom would definitely be freaking out by now. 'I'm sure she knows that I'm okay but she usually expects a call from me by now proclaiming with at least a "me and Matt are having so much fun! Can I please stay!". Unfortunately Matt has a cell phone and I don't. So I have a few minutes to either miraculously patch up a hurt friendship or walk home.' For the first time since he closed the door, I heard footsteps inside coming my way. The door flew open, bumping into my side painfully.

"Tai?" TK poked his head out of door, bewildered. "Hey, man! I thought I saw a tuff of hair from the window, why don't you come inside?"

"Ask your brother," I deadpanned. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow… that slowly molded into a frown.

"Oh. That bastard…. Come on in and I'll go see what's up. 'Sides, you look freezing." I nodded and jumped up.

"So, what's with your good mood? Seems like Dais is rubbing off on you," I commented lightly as he shut the door. He turned and grinned devilishly, obviously about to see the loud-mouthed brunette boy.

"You could say that…" he responded coyly. "We're going out tonight though, so I can't really help, y'know… being happy."

"First of all, that was disgusting. What are you, 12? Jesus, making sex jokes already..."

"I'm 15!" he huffed.

"You'll always be like 6 to me, get over it. Maybe I'll bump you up to 15 when he gets in your pants, bucko." With that I grabbed him in a headlock and we but erupted into fits of giggles. He was about to tell me more information than I'd ever need to know, but a third voice disrupted our fun.

"Why is he in here?" Matt asked TK directly. My eyes caught his and all the good energy basically went down the tube.

"I'm in the room, Yama. You can address me if you're gonna talk about me, you know." I let go of TK, who backed away a few feet to let me have the conversation on my own.

"Yes. You are in the room. Is that my fault?" He glanced at TK with a glare. TK returned the glare and exited the foyer mumbling about good moods and killjoys. I watched him leave and then return my gaze to Matt, tapping the white carpet with my training shoes.

"Whether he let me in or not, I'm here, _Matt_. Even if you won't talk to me, I have to use your phone anyways to call mom. Not everyone can fall into a mood and shut out the world; a few of us still have to deal with things instead of, well, ignoring them." I brushed past him easily, feeling a scowl hit my neck as I made my way to the kitchen to retrieve the cordless. He didn't shoot anything back luckily and by the time I finished calling my mom, who was predictably fine with me being at Matt's, he still stood against the wall, sending endless hate my way. Mom wasn't the only predictable one.

I walked by him up the stairs. "Want an Oscar?" I shot. He followed me and entered his own room just as was getting comfortable in the swiveling computer chair.

"What the fuck are you still doing in my house?" he sent bluntly.

"Su casa es me casa?" I replied lamely.

"No. It's not. Go home." I rolled my eyes and span around a few times.

"Fine, but only if you can come up with a phrase that's better than 'Go home' to tell me off."

"Ok, _Tai_. How about bastard, fucker, asshole? Eat shit and die in a hole you stupid little…. God damnit, just _leave already_, ok! Why do you always have to make it such a big fucking deal?" I balanced back in the chair and began signing on AIM as he finished.

"Do I? I thought that's your job—Sweet! Mimi's on! I've been meaning to ask her about the math homework…. something about page 128." Matt growled and advanced on me like a tank in World War 2.

'Here comes the missle launch… ready and…!'

"TAI! Get the fuck out of my house! NOW!"

"Aw, come on, Yama! I have to get the math homework from Mimi! You know my internet blows!" He slammed his hand on the desk. 'Close enough to a missile…'

"What the fuck do I have to tell you so you'll leave! Fuck you? I never want to see you again? Tell me!"

"Geez, bro. I can smell your deodorant working over time there. Just let it go for a moment so I can talk to Mimi and then I'll be on my merry way." TK appeared at the door for a moment, tossing a clean shirt at Matt.

"Found this in my laundry." Soon after, we heard his door close and happy rock music began pouring through the walls.

"See? Now that's a happy fag! You need to take some lessons from your younger brother."

"What the hell--? He's a 15 year old brat. And you don't know the first fucking thing about being a 'happy fag'!"

"Nah, I guess I don't… but if you look up the word 'brat' in a dictionary you'd be more likely to see your face than his, Smiles the Depressing Clown Boy."

"You're retarded—wait, didn't I tell you to fucking leave! Why am I still talking to you—go!" He reached around and unplugged the computer manually, just as I was sending a message to Mimi. I finished the message and pressed enter, pretending he didn't just turn off the computer in the middle of my conversation. I grinned and kept typing out horrible things and pressing enter, all the while feeling a certain blonde's cold gaze on me.

"I'm sorry, were you saying something?" He ran his hands through his hair and resigned to slamming his whole body onto his mattress in frustration.

"I hate you, Taichi," he said to the ceiling.

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, reaching for the T-shirt TK had throw at him which was actually mine. "I'm taking this back. Later." I stood up and slammed his door unnecessarily while yelling a goodbye at TK. Then, I walked the mile home in silence, having already forgot the page number for the math homework.

Kari was sipping tea in the kitchen when I got home.

"Hey. Wanna try this new tea mom bought?" I sniffled and nodded, throwing my house keys on the table. "It's called Sweet n' Spicy-something or other. Whatever, it's good." I took a sip of the proffered cup, shivering slightly.

"Yeah, it is," I agreed and handed her the cup. She cocked her head as she took it, which only ever led to one thing.

"Where have you been? You look like shit."

'Interrogation.' I chuckled and ran a hand through my hair.

"Thanks, sis… just what I needed. No, I've been at Matt's."

"It shows." She grabbed me another cup and steeped a bag of the warm tea. "What _horrible _thing did you do this time to set off his emotional switch?" I shrugged.

"Actually, this time I did do something horrible… I mean, I think it was horrible? But you're right, he's over reacting, as usual."

"Well?" she prompted.

"_Well_, don't worry about it. I'll keep this one to myself if you don't mind." She nodded and took a sip of her tea.

"Mom's in the living room watching her show," she offered as she handed me my cup. I thanked her and entered the living room. The show she was referring to was American Idol. Our mom watched it like a religion—I think she has a crush on Simon Cowell.

I passed by her zombie form as some pretty blonde sang her heart out on the TV screen. I sighed… it reminded me of Matt. I kick my door open and slammed it shut, balancing the cup of tea with both hands. My away message online had a couple of messages from Mimi that I ignored, opening my music folder instead. I chose one of my favorite songs first: Soma by Smashing Pumpkins. As the music played I sipped my tea and thought about how Matt showed me this band, exclaiming how this was his_ favorite_ song, which is an impossible word for him to use seriously.

As the solo hit, Kari knocked on my door lightly—almost timidly—knowing I hate to be disturbed in the middle of a song… especially a solo. "What do you want, Kar?" I asked boredly.

"Sorry, Tai… TK is on the phone. It's urgent." I blinked.

'TK? Urgent…?' As fast as possible, I clicked the pause button and tore open the door.

"Urgent, what's urgent?"

"Here." I grabbed the phone and thanked Kari as I shut the door in her face. Her expression seemed pained in the short moment I saw it. I was getting worried…

"TK? What's up, what's the matter?" I began frantically. "Is everything ok?" I heard sobbing on the other end…. TK never sobs. "TK? Takeru? Answer me, buddy! What's wrong?" He didn't answer yet; he seemed to be having trouble speaking over his own sobs... "Please, just calm down and talk to me! It's ok, bro. Just take a breath and tell me what's going on. I'm here for you."

"I--…" he began sobbing uncontrollably again.

"TK… I don't understand." He choked hard and held back his sobs long enough to spurt out a sentence.

"T-Tai! It's… Dais. Daisuke." I could hear him shaking and choking on his sobs.

'Daisuke…? What about Daisuke?'

"TK, please slow down… It's ok, bro. Just slow down and tell me what happened," I encouraged him softly. He bit back another wave of sobs and spoke hoarsely.

"He…--he's in the hospital." My breath hitched.

'What did he mean by that? Daisuke, my little brother… in the hospital?' I took a deep breath and asked the obvious question. "Why… is he in the hospital?" This triggered more sobs that were so unalike TK.

"Because he's gay, Tai," he said darkly. "He's in the hospital because he's a fag like me and we're together and--" he broke out in sobs and then hitched, "--and the world hates us, Tai. The world just fucking hates us and he's in the hospital…"

"What happened, TK… Tell me how this happened?" I knew there were a million other questions to ask too, but I had to know. I wanted to jump up and find Kari and my mom or something. 'Do they already know? They must know… Kari has to know.'

"He… got jumped," TK began between sobs, focusing my attention back on the conversation. " He was attacked—oh god, Tai! He was just fucking attacked… with fucking bats. I don't even know--" he began sobbing harder and dropped the phone. I was beginning to really freak out.

"TK! TK! Answer me! Which hospital is he at?" Instead, another pair of hands picked up the phone.

"He's at the General Hospital on the east side. We're picking you up right now." I couldn't help but frown at how short Matt spoke with me, but I almost appreciated it at the moment.

"Thank you." I hung up and grabbed my shoes and coat, dashing to the living. Mom and Kari were already at the door with their coats on. As soon as she saw me, mom grabbed me into a hug and began crying. Kari leaned against the door and began sobbing as well, covering her face in her hand. I looked on; I didn't get it yet. Nothing was registering fast enough so I just held my mom and listened quietly.

'My brother… in the hospital. The happiest, brightest person I know is… I don't get it. My throat hurts a lot… I don't get it… but I can't cry yet. I don't even know how to start. I have to see him first before I can cry, right? I have to be the strong one until we make it to him; until we know he's ok.'

A car beeped outside. Kari swung open the door and we piled into the car--our car was at the shop so the Ishida's were giving us a ride… which surprised me, considering their "busy schedule" and all. No one said hello when we got in. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement of silence as everyone worked the situation out in their heads; I could almost hear them thinking. Everyone, except TK. Matt held him in the back seat while he cried just as hard as he had on the phone.

'This is so random…One moment, I'm in my room, depressed over my own stupid shit and listening to sad music, and the next I'm in a car with everyone I love going to see my brother who might be... fighting for his life? What the hell? Over what, why's this happening!' A few tears began to attack my eyes, prickling at the edge of rolling onto my cheeks as some of the weight of the situation finally hit me. I punched myself in the head and strained my muscles as hard as I could to get the tears to go away; I wiped them fiercely against my gloves and held my head between my legs until I felt the car stop. I was in so much pain.

The lady at the front desk seemed indifferent as we ran inside. All she probably saw every day was death and decay; of course she wouldn't care about my little brother. But I still couldn't help hating her as she passed my mom a form to fill out.

"Get we just skip the fucking form and see Dais!" I yelled out of frustration.

"Tai!" my mom admonished me. "I know this is hard, but we'll see him as soon as we can…"I saw her face—stained, red and puffy—and thought better of arguing. Instead, I tapped my foot against the white-tiled floor and glared at the ugly blonde woman until she let us pass. We all ran ahead to the assigned room… 259 A.

I lead the pack as we reached the second floor and I was the first to burst into his room at the end of the hall.

Finally, I saw him. The dull, continuous beep of his heart monitor, the IV stuck in his arm and the tube attached to his nose, helping him breathe.

The rest of his body was…

"Oh god, Daisuke! My baby!" One by one everyone--Me, Kari, Mrs. Ishida, Matt and TK--stood in the doorway as mom ran to Daisuke's side. His face was covered in bruises as well as a few cuts. His arm was in a cast and sling and his right leg was raised in the air, also in a cast. He was sleeping when I rushed in but slowly opened his eyes as everyone else piled into the cramped space.

TK pushed past all of us—I was still standing, bewildered as he shoved past me—and fell against Dais on the bed.

"DAIS!"

"…TK! Ow!" TK jumped back up and wiped his nose, laughing strangley.

"Oops! Sorry…" Dais managed a small grin and shook his head.

"Nah, it's ok…. Come here, beautiful." TK bent down, grinning and Dais kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Glad you guys could make it. I should ask Mary for some extra chairs." I assumed the women who entered immediately after he said that was Mary. Everyone stayed silent and mom grasped his hand as the nurse tended to a few things in the room.

"Did you need somethin', hun?" she asked. I answered for Dais.

"Could we get a few chairs in here, please? I think we're all like staying for while." She nodded dutifully and left the room. Kari broke down and ran to his side as well, sobbing and telling him incoherently how worried she was. I still hadn't done much, but the weight on my body lifted when I saw he was going to be ok. In fact, I couldn't help but jump ahead and asked a question no one else would probably think of at a time like this.

"Dais…. Who did this to you?" I asked from my position against the wall. He frowned and looked to the side.

"Doesn't matter…" Everyone else glared at me for asking something so insensitive, but I persisted for some reason.

"No, really, bro. People can't just do something like this to you and not get payback!"

"Tai! How could you even begin to say something like that right now? Why don't you leave the teenage drama out of it and just be happy he's alive!" I sighed and nodded at my mom's request. Bending down, I gave him a soft hug and told him I was worried and glad that he was okay. Matt followed suit and then stood by TK, squeezing his shoulder once or twice when he'd sniffle. Mrs. Ishida just stood stoically near the entrance of the hospital room, looking bored and annoyed. Mom eventually acknowledged her.

"Thank you for the ride, Diane. I think we can call a cab back home." Mrs. Ishida nodded curtly.

"Matt. Takeru. Let's go home." Both TK and Matt looked taken aback and Matt replied defensively.

"Do you _really_ expect us to go home right now? We'll go when they go. You know how much this means to TK, mother…"

"I don't really care how much this…_ boy_ means to Takeru. I was nice enough to drive you all the way here to see him, now let's go _home_," she snapped, punctuating the last few words of the sentence with certain finality. I could tell that mom wanted to tell her off, but she kept her mouth shut and fussed over Daisuke's blanket instead.

Matt, however, wasn't about to let it go. "What do you mean 'this _boy_', mom! How can you even think of something so fucking petty when this _boy_ nearly died because of people like you?"

"Don't you take that tone with me, Yamato Ishida. I am only trying to take you home, and maybe save you from making the same mistakes! How dare you say that about me."

"Mother, everyone here knows you're as much a bigot as the next person. I'm sure that if I hadn't yelled at you to drive us over you would've sat on your ass and watched FOX news with a glass of expensive wine. I don't really care about your "morals" right now, but me and TK are staying here, with people who are kind and actually considerate. " I caught Mrs. Ishida's eyes flashing angrily and a quick blush creep on her face before she huffed and turned heel to leave.

"Fine. But as of now I am taking away your privileges so you'll learn some respect. Amy."

"Diane." And then she was gone.

Dais spoke, "Matt… you didn't have to do that. Now you'll just get into a lot of trouble over nothing."

"It doesn't matter, Dai. She needed to hear it anyways, the bitch." Everyone, including mom, chuckled. "Besides, it is worth it, kid," Matt finished with a winked that made Dais blush and grin. He wasn't always heartless…

"Hey! He's _my_ boyfriend, asshole! Don't start that charming crap on him!" TK broke in empathically. I laughed at that.

"Charming? Yama? You must be joking!"

"Hey, I am too charming!" Matt cried as he punched me in the shoulder. "Asshole."

"Oh, so you're talking to me now, are you?" He blushed.

"No. You're just being an asshole!" Dais frowned cut in.

"Why wouldn't he be talking to you?" We both stopped our mounting argument and looked down. Neither of us wanted to answer that question, so we waited out the few awkward moments until Kari spoke for us.

"Who knows, Dais… those bastards get mad at each other over the stupidest things, I swear they're like an old married couple..." We both blushed harder.

"HEY, WE'RE NOT MARRIED!" I yelled, missing the beat wonderfully.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can we just focus on Dais again? Attention-stealer."

"Am not!" Matt punched me in the shoulder again, defending Kari.

"You really are." Mom ignored us and spoke to Dais directly.

"Honey, tell us what happened. I'm so glad you're ok but how did this happen? I mean, why, where, who…?" The room immediately got quiet as a bit of tension built. Daisuke looked at the window's reflection for a moment and then turned his brown eyes on TK, who smiled weakly.

"Does it really matter, mom? I mean, I'm ok now… everything's fine. Can't we just let it go?" Mom frowned.

"No, sweetie, we can't. I understand if you want to rest now but we need to know as soon as you can tell us. This is serious, Daisuke… you could've been killed!"

"No one was gonna kill me, ma. It was just some… assholes. It doesn't matter." TK looked pained as he said that but kept his mouth shut. Mom nodded and wiped her eyes in resignation with a little laugh.

"Ok, sweetie." She bent over and hugged him again. "I'm so happy to see you're ok… I don't know what I'd do if…. God, I'm so sorry about this. I feel like I've failed at protecting you or something."

"No, mom. You're wonderful. Really, I don't think anyone could've protected me from those bigots and we both knew this was gonna happen sooner or later. I'm just glad it was me instead of TK."

"Don't say that, Dais!" TK cut in. "God, you don't know how badly I wish it was me! I can't even look at you without--" His eyes welled up at the sudden emotion amd he leaned into Matt. Now I was getting confused.

'Why is TK crying whenever the events of the fight come up? It feels weird… it's like he's hiding something.'

"TK… come here." TK sniffled and nodded, kneeling next to his boyfriend, whose expression seemed pained again. "Please… it's not your fault. Don't you ever think that, ok?" With what little strength Dais had he managed to wrap his arm around TK's neck and bring him into another soft kiss. TK nodded as he kissed Dais on the lips and looked down, sniffling, as they broke apart.

"I know that, I'm so sorry Dai. I love you… I can't stand this." Kari gestured something to Matt and Matt touched TK's shoulder.

"Come on, bro… let's go outside and let Dais sit with Amy for a little while." TK nodded and slowly got up. I smiled at Daisuke once more and left with Kari, Matt, and TK. It was a good thing too, as the lovey dovey factor was starting to annoy me.

As soon as we got outside Mary showed up with a rack of chairs. "Sorry it took so long, guys. I got held up in another room. Do you want me to just leave them here?"

"Yes, that's fine. Thank you," Kari replied. Mary smiled and walked past us into Daisuke's room to tend to him. "God… this whole thing is ridiculous. Why did this even happen? I don't even understand why he got beaten up."

"That's what I want to know," Matt agreed. I rolled my eyes.

"Of course we want to know, _Matt_, but Dais is being as stubborn as ever. And I'm sure Stubborn Boy #2 won't tell us anything either, right?" All three of us turned our gazes on TK, who was staring off into space. He noticed eyes on him and shook his head to focus.

"What?"

"Information, TK… Do you know anything about what happened?" I asked plainly. TK looked down the hall tiredly, following the movements of various doctors and nurses with his eyes.

With a sigh, he looked at all three of us and responded, "Actually… I do."

--

And what a nice little book mark that was! I will definitely continue this. Also, more reviews will help keep my interest alive, so don't be shy. I'm getting too old for this fanfiction crap anyways. I really don't have any inhibitions about asking for reviews and I won't lie: reviews alone are one of two reasons why I'm continuing this.

Thanks for reading! Until next time

-CA


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